Sunday, August 26, 2012

i'm leaving here.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

hello bloggie.
looks like i have successfully abandoned u for another whole month.
no, nearly 2 months.
plain lazy and there is always something else better to do, that's all.

it's gonna be 2am and i am here awake.
i am gonna regret this tmr morning.

let's write random phrases here..
"i feel like crying sometimes even if there is no particular reason to do so. sadness from previous tragedy, perhaps?"
"they say it doesn't matter, everyone stands an equal chance. yet, they do things that classify us. why? because it's nthg personal, just business. well, then we can do the same!"
"i really forgot how it is to be in relationship. everything feels like a dream, even today seems like a dream."
"when i kept talking the same person over and over again, i get scared."
"i do not know what i do not know. adults and educators, pls note this."
"yeah, i feel pretty empty.sometimes."


Monday, May 21, 2012

little moments

one night, went to have a late tea time with Miss J and Miss L.
the both of them ordered tea and coffee,
in which they came with a small piece of cookie.
the tea came first and Miss K said let's share the tiny piece of cookie.
she broke into two but there were 3 of us.
i said i am okay without it but Miss J then broke hers to a smaller half and gave me with a big grin.
i grin back.
then came the coffee, and there was another piece of cookie.
Miss J broke it into half and gave me with a grin.
i gave a wider grin and in the heart, i felt loved.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

happy MaMa's day

Mothers are such magical ppl.
they play one of the biggest roles in our life and being a female myself, i hope i have the chance to be a Mother too someday.
Mothers have such heavy responsibilities and life has mold them to be ppl with a strong will but a caring heart.
we all have our reasons to say "my Mother is the best!" :)
me Mama is a tough lady; seen the world and could say "i've been there before" to many ppl.
and i think she is most blessed to have my Papa as her life partner :)
Mum, i love u everyday in my life.

so i am done with final exams for my second last semester.
and as usual, it feels like lalalalalala when the papers are done.
no trumpets and cheers and drunk elephants running amok to celebrate the end of exams.
though i always imagine i would feel that way when i am done with my last paper; every single semester.
and every single semester, i feel simply nothing about it.
just tired and especially this semester, extremely tired and extremely relieved!
well, relieved for one week and then new issues will welcome themselves next semester.
and that will be my very final semester as an Undergraduate student.
i am nervous about it..because it means it's time to think about future.
it's time to set myself straight, have some goals in life and set a guideline to what path i will take.
AND! friends are coming home too! :)
but one darling friend is leaving as well.. :(

well, gotta pack and go home! *cough cough* *sniff sniff* <------- weak me is gonna be sick.heh.

Friday, May 4, 2012

when will i ever learn to be less vulnerable..
it's always like this;
endure endure endure then boom! volcano.
ignores everyone.
pour all the lava.
and then, comes the mess..
the awkwardness..
and feeling totally out of the circle.
and then start thinking, was it really my own fault after all?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

and i have officially walked this earth for 23 years. cheers and blessed.

and i'll say it is a bittersweet one.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

When one feels good being here..I guess this is one of those blessed moments in my life. Great friends are really great companions; just look at my parents and their friends :) They taught me that real good friends does not need to be many, just a few and distance does not make things dull. :)
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Thursday, April 19, 2012

in time, we will look over each other's bad points and mistakes
the bond between ppl will only grow stronger and deeper
we accept them for who they are and they accept us for who we are
no grudge, revenge, hatred
only admiration, adore, love, care
and all we want is to spend quality time together; laughing at our silliest mistakes in life, mend our broken hearts, remind each other that there are ppl who will always care with no conditions
distance will not harm
we already know we care about each other and we are in each other's thoughts

these things happen
just look out for the right ppl
i know
because i have found them
but my search will continue till my last breath

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

being determined about something in life is good
always leave a space for possibilities; the good ones, the bad ones, the ones u will hope for, and the ones u won't hope for
because life is just full of possibilities whether it is welcomed or not

change might not be such a bad thing sometimes
it is probably the best thing that could ever happen

Saturday, April 14, 2012

hi bloggie.

seeing my friends leaving comments in a recent picture i shared in Facebook indicating they will be home soon..
reminds me that another stage of life will come to a full-stop soon, or at least a comma for some.
future, MY future is one that i am happy and anxious about.
i am sure almost every going-to-graduate student will share the same feelings as i do.
the fear of the uncertainties like the people i will meet, the work i will be doing, and where will i be.
but then, i can't wait to meet more people, and really begin to go out and see this ugly-and-beautiful world.
hah! anxious! fear!
but honestly, all i want now is just get this semester done and go. 
this semester makes me wanna slap the adults.......urgh.

i was telling my mum that there are people who have told me i am the type who can be someone to this world..
and i was telling her that i kinda doubt that cause i can't see that aspect in me for now.
well, she gave me the most reassuring words in the world..
"of course you are my daughter."
so yeah, what else do i need to hear right?
i just need to remember that i am the daughter of a strong woman and a loving man.

and on the random side, i am craving for desserts.. =.=
and i am missing my dear friends..but everyone is busy and occupied with something, including me.
but that tremor from the earthquake a few days back has very well reminded me "what if there is no tomorrow?"
i am not saying the world will end but i will never know who will always stay with me.
i will never know how long i will be in this world.
so, i start missing people and wishing i was home.
(oh, and i re-watched i was full with all those feelings that you can

wanna share a post from this blog that i love.

‎”Why We Shout In Anger”
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.’
What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’
‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
and goodnight.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012 i skipped the entire March for blogging.
oh dear...seriously..time is flying real fast. like SERIOUSLY.
i always thought of blogging about something from time to time..
but here i am..skipping the entire March as if it was just a week.
and here April is...
but i can't wait to get this semester done.
i seriously have so many complaints for this semester.
but repeating the same old words is not gonna bring me anywhere.
so let's get this done with!
and hey, it's April!
a special month! :)

my heart feels heavy at the moment.
and i don't know why.
i seriously don't.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

blog abandoned for so long.
i am still a newbie when it comes to time management.
CNY is over two weeks ago and now, the students of UTP are already counting down to the coming midsem break.
and we, as the final year students, are eager to start the countdown to graduation.
i, on the other hand, is only eager to countdown to the end of this semester.
because this is my very LAST packed semester.
next semester which will be my last, will hopefully, be more breathe-able.
everything in life is pretty much going in the circles.
and i still fear the future.
it is that scary.

i don't miss anything (except for Japanese food for now)
and i don't particularly miss anyone.
i feel numb.
all i want to do is get my work done and i need to keep reminding myself that i want to get my work done.
the only way to feel happy now is get the BLOODY WORK DONE.

oh yeah, thank you to the very generous government for generously giving us RM200 vouchers each.
i am spending them rightfully.
thank u so much..
but i don't guarantee that my vote will generously go to u. =)

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Mou anata kara aisareru koto mo
Hitsuyou to sareru koto mo nai
Soshite watashi wa koushite hitoribocchi de
Ano toki anata wa nante itta no?
Todokanai kotoba wa chuu wo mau
Wakatteru no ni kyou mo shite shimau
Kanawanu negaigoto wo

Hanasanaide gyutto
Te wo nigittete
Anata to futari tsudzuku to itte
Tsunaida sono te wa atatakakute

Anata wa itsumo sou yatte watashi wo
Ugorasete saigo ni nakasunda
Dakedo ato ni natte
"Gomen ne tte" iu sono kao
Suki datta

Hanasanaide gyutto
Sou omoi kiri
Anata no ude no naka ni itai
Futari de odeko wo awasenagara
Nemuru no

Aaa nidoto wa aenai tte koto wo shitteta no?

Hanasanaide gyutto
Anata ga suki
Mou ichido datte waratte kurenai no?
Anata no nukumori ga kiechau mae ni

I will no longer be loved
Or needed by you
And I’ll be alone, just like this
What did you say at that time?
Words that can’t reach me dance in the air
I know it, but I did it again today
Making a wish that can never be fulfilled

Don’t let go
Hold my hand tight
Say, "I'll keep going, together with you"
The hand that held mine was warm
And gentle

You always made me angry just like that
And in the end I would cry
But I loved
how your face looked when you said, "I'm sorry"

Don’t let go
Hug me tight, that’s right, with all your heart
I want to be in your arms
With our foreheads leaning against each other
We fall asleep

Did you already know that we’ll never see each other again?

Don’t let go
Hold me tight, I love you
Can’t you smile for me just one more time?
Before your warmth disappears
Hug me tight

Monday, January 23, 2012

away the rabbit hops and here comes the glorious dragon!

today marks the first day of our Chinese lunar calendar and it is the year of Dragon!!
wishing everyone a prosperous year ahead with good health and even more wealth!

TV channels are showing many, many programs and old movies.
and one can see a lot of Dragon infused items all around the places.
honestly, being  Dragon year itself is a big deal already since Dragon is one of the most mythical creation.
as usual, i had reunion dinner with my family and relatives last night (which included some endless drama)
which ended with spectacular fireworks!! <----- thanks to my very generous uncles.

well, i have my wishes for this year. *smirk smirk*
it is after all, going to be one of the most meaningful years in my life.
i don't know whether a lot of ppl care about graduation but i know i do.
it's like putting a HUGE full stop to one part of life and then starting a new chapter of a totally different lifestyle.
frankly speaking, i just want this year to be fun and interesting!
no, it's not that i am bored. i just have that instinct that this year will be even better!
BUT first of all, i hope i get a decent result for my final exams.this is the MAIN thing now!

so, for me, CNY is all about reunion and letting the kids to have some fun.
adults to spend money (in a controlled manner) just to make everyone happy and bahagia~
it is the time where u could make all the noise till the alarms of the neighbours gone off like mad yet they won't blame u!
because it's a symbol of happiness and where there is noise, there are ppl, and there is warmth when many ppl are gathered.
this is the time where u meet ppl whom u hardly meet throughout the year and just chat away!
i think traditions are very important in order to maintain the mood of the CNY.
fireworks are MEANT to be part of the tradition!
so screw the GOVERNMENT for not allowing it because Brunei allows it!!!<----being snobbish.

putting CNY aside, speaking of the law,
SOPA and PIPA are seriously serious topics.
what with Megaupload being shut down and Filesonic restricting their usage for the users,
this definitely affect the sharing world of the internet.
those two are the popular giant sharing sites and with them gone,
i bet ppl are cursing.
Megaupload doesn't affect me since Malaysia has blocked it way earlier (Malaysia so smart hor....)
and i don't use Filesonic often.
but restrictions are proving to make a big impact in many other ways.
SIGH.i am in the mood to protest SOPA.

back to CNY, i am actually really sleepy now cause i woke up at 4.30am for prayer..
i am not used to 2-3hours of sleep nowadays.
i am hoping for more gatherings with friends soon!! =)
i hope my wishes will be granted too this year!!teehee!

(the photos from our fireworks last night. i am posting these everywhere. lol. everybody loves fireworks. hehe!)

Monday, January 16, 2012

a friend once asked me how do i define joy?
i didn't have an answer and still don't.
i could define grateful, faith, happiness, hurt, pain, regret, loved, protected, and the list goes on..
but joy is one that i still don't quite und on what it is.
and i don't know what i don't know about joy.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

i think this semester and maybe for the semesters to come,
i have many reasons to use this word; disgusted.
it's sad to say it is humans who gave me the reasons to feel so.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

akemashite omedetou!

and the above title means Happy New Year! :)
so last night, my parents decided to go Haagen Dazs for a treat in conjunction with New Year.
we had chocolate fondue.

come to think about it,
i used to wish i can have chocolate fondue back then and Haagen Dazs is known for their fondue.
and haha, i got my wish just before the end of year 2011.
so in a way, that is nice right? heeeee~
it wasn't cheap.. it is Haagen Dazs. we all know the price. lol.
but it is nice for once-awhile-pleasures. banana dipped in chocolate is yummy and strawberries with chocolate is totally awesome!
i still prefer New Zealand Natural ice cream.. ><
why am i talking about ice cream?
lol. i am supposed to talk about New Year.

i have no resolutions..
in fact, i don't even make them..
i just don't have the habit?
but i intend to make 2012 a nice year. :)
for some reason, the fact that i am doing final year really sinks in wasn't like this yesterday.
i feel excited and anxious!
i think new years do make an impact on one way or another.
hmmmm....i should study. teeheeee....

hello 2012. *waves*