Wednesday, July 13, 2011


guess what???
this is my last week of internship! *thunders roaaaaaar*
now, i do feel the "graduation effects" but only a teeny-wheeny little bit..
sad huh?
some would find internship fun, packed with life-long learning and etc.
i do get some pretty good lessons throughout my 32 weeks of internship but erm..
i am honestly bored.bored to the skin and bone.
and maybe, i finally have a proof to tell myself; i do not want to work as an engineer.
the question that comes after this is, then what the hell do i want to do after i grad?
i will not answer or go in circles with that question for now. no, not now.
but anyway, i am so HAPPY that i am finishing internship!!! *big grins*
now, u can't blame me for being THAT happy about finishing internship..
it's not that i am that big of a lazy bum or i am such a immature young adult..
i am just so done with it.seriously.
but hey, it's not like my work was super stressful or super hard or my supervisor and mentors are whipping my butt while i work.
no. in fact, i get a lot of freedom. a lot of freedom.
i get to slack from time to time, to read a bit, chat, walk around.....
and even though i was given such a freedom, i wasn't happy.
i think i know why. i felt useless there.
what i was good in, was not utilize.
i guess, despite all the thoughts of being humble and invisible and blablabla, part of me will always want to shine out from the rest but no, i didn't get the chance this time.
that's okay.. at least i managed to be helpful with all the random tasks.
and u know, at work, what i have been asked to do most is language consultation; English.
it's something quite funny when u have your mentor calling u and u were expecting a new task for the last week, only to hear him asking u is it "special thank" or "special thanks". LOL.
and really, i don't exactly know how this started.. i think i have a face that shows, "dude, i am good in English. consult me. ask me." *smirk*
no... my English is only as good as....this.
oh another thing i get consulted a lot is actually computer stuffs. microsoft words and excel.
so i guess i don't know thaaaaaaaat little about computer stuffs after all. *grins*
all in all, i am still grateful to the ppl there because i know, i was meant to be there for some reasons which i still do not know what are they now. it's okay, i will come to know when the time comes.
i am happy that i still have 10 weeks of break before sem starts.
i am so gonna drown myself with card-making, anime, and books.
oh yeah, let me confess about something. it's my last week of internship and i have been reading.everyday.
no, i feel no guilt about it cause hey, i am dumped there with no tasks and projects anymore.
so yeah, i'll read all i want and no guilt at all. bluek!

wanna share something here..

i agree.. because this fear is one of those that lingers in my heart. all the time.
u'll know what i mean if u have experienced the pain when u were putting all your heart full of sincerity for the things u do, for the person.. only to be acknowledged as nothing special.
it really tore down the self confidence part..sigh.
it probably became the excuse for being ignorant as well..
but i do believe that this should not close the door to my heart.
i will keep it open. closing it won't do anything..
because someday, there will be one who will care that i care.. who will care about me more than i care about myself.
yeah, i believe that.

tomorrow is another reading day! *grins*
(i am straining my eyes by reading on my phone..haha. who wants to give me an iPad 2? LOL.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

And there is also the fear to love, and the fear to confess one's feelings deep down. Is it the fear of rejection, or is it inadequacy? Such are the troubles that wrought a man's heart though it may be bursting with senseless affection.